Don’t ask me anything about those two stories, the pictures associated with them killed any sort of motivation I had in reading them.Īlso, Conquered by Clippy is part of a trilogy, the Digital Desires Inbox.
To compensate for the shortness of the story, the author also added two other tales to the eBook: Humping the Hambandit, a sexy parody of the McDonald’s Hamburglar, and Pounded by Pluto, a weird erotica about Neil deGrasse Tyson having sex with Pluto, the infamous dwarf planet. Conquered by Clippy is only 24 pages long and uses a very large font, so the whole thing only has about 3500 words in it, which took me about half an hour to read with only one hand (the other holding a biscuit, obviously). For that amount of money, there are quite a lot of other ebooks available, most of them very well written and/or very entertaining. It is sold on Amazon for £1.99/$3.57/2.99€, which I find rather expensive. Now I think it’s important, before moving on to a review of the story in itself, to talk about the pricing of this ebook. I pressed the “Buy now” button and downloaded this masterpiece to my phone (I don’t have a Kindle and read on my phone. Need a WTF rating”, I couldn’t resist anymore. With comments such as “Don’t ever stop making these”, “The most exciting paperclip-focused erotica I’ve ever read” and “Not sure what to rate this. Five stars all over the place, with a total average of four stars. I scrolled down the page to the comments and was rather surprised: this kind of book usually gets a huge quantity of one-star reviews, but not this one. Mom will be so proud when she buys this book”. And that look in the model’s eyes, you can clearly see she’s thinking “This is right. The subtle facial expression of the paperclip. Isn’t it beautiful? The simple, clear, basic title font. But it was real, it was there in front of me, and the cover was blowing my mind. I’ve been a citizen of the internet since the late 90s and have seen my fair share of weird and disturbing porn, and not for a single second had I ever imagined someone could write a story about Clippy the paperclip.
While all my female friends were busy discussing how revolting the idea of a paperclip ever going near the most intimate parts of their anatomy was to them, I went straight to Amazon and was amazed by it. That’s more or less what happened to me the other day when “Conquered by Clippy” came up on my Twitter feed. And when you still hesitate to spend those precious two pounds on that nonsense you imagine the author’s photo on your bookshelf, next to Jane Austen, Agatha Christie and Isaac Asimov, and that’s it, you now need to buy it.
Have you ever come upon a book that looked so ridiculous that you had to read it? One of those books with a stupid name, an awful cover and where the photo of the author seemed to be a screenshot from a 70s porn movie? If not, you certainly haven’t spent enough time in libraries.īut if this has ever happened to you, you know full well that feeling of being called by the book, hearing that little voice in your head that says “oh come on, it’ll be fun”. Guest blog by Matthew Charlton friend, programmer, writer, and lover of stationery-based erotica.